& it's time to let you go

heartcrash

2010-09-04T23:46:00.002+08:00

It's been two and a half years since I had my last relationship. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even have someone that I like. One of my friends actually question my sexual orientation. The fact is I don't even know why, I don't know a lot of things - there's only one thing I know - I'm so straight I could be a ruler. Not literally, like duh -.-

That was my lame attempt at a joke. Bear with me.

But why is it?

I guess someone will answer me or I would prolly find the answer.

Goodnight cyberworld.

2010-09-04T00:15:00.001+08:00

Nobody sees anything, they think I'm fine but I'm lying. Am I a good liar or do they don't give a damn?

2010-01-19T22:58:00.001+08:00

I am stupid beyond comprehension. I don't know what I just did.

Crap, I just ruined my last hope of a better future.

The J's

2010-01-13T19:44:00.002+08:00

I am currently listening to songs of singers whose name starts with a J. (Just a random fact, just a conincidence.)

Justin Nozuka's songs are awesome. You should try listening to his tunes. I like Golden Train<3

fearless ?

2010-01-12T22:26:00.003+08:00

Now that I think about it ... The subject arose from today's train convo. I don't thinkI have a fear that's phsically related.
Maybe I do have fears but only when it comes to the affairs of the heart. Do I feel really secure or just plain ignorant about everything.

I know, I'm strange - I'm afraid of roller coaster rides but I want to be on one. Because when you're on the rides you feel a strange sense of release. I'd be terrified queing for it and waiting for it but when you're on it and deciding not to back out, the feeling of terror is replaced with exhilaration.

And why am I suddenly talking about roller coaster rides ? Because the breifing that I had earlier got me pumped up and my heart beating fast for the job in the Integrated Resort. At first, I just wanted a job. Now, I really want this job. The perks are like play and you get paid to smile and just be happy. Under the hot sun and you'd be sweating and might have to carry heavy loads but it's freaking Sentosa !

life so far ... -.-

2010-01-08T23:57:00.002+08:00

okay, so here's the update on the ultimate slacker. She is still jobless. It's been what ? A month and a half ? Going to two. I need to find a job. One that pays alot. I don't want to talk about this makes me depressed.

I have a few sentiments to express. First, I do not get the hype about Vampires ?! They are overrated. Ever since Twilight came about, movies like, Lesbian Vampire Killers, Vampire's Assitant, Vampire Diaries etc. Those that cross your mind. Gosh, and what's the biggy on Twilight movies ? They're awful. I'm almost regretting buying the DVD. The Saga are great. I have to admit the books are awesome. But the movies, not so much. But as much as I hate to admit it, it still got me curious on how the other movies are gonna come out. And no matter how I put it down, I'll still watch it - and regret and whine about how it sucks later(:

I know I'm such a hypocrite, but seriously, the books are great.

But not as great as Nicholas Sparks novels. They're beyond great. A writer like him is rare and gifted. Usually, novels that becomes a motion picture will usually give you this feeling - "The book was better." But it's never from his books. I've read two of his books, and I'm smacking myself in the head for not, reading his novels earlier. A walk to remember and The Notebook topped my favourite movies list. That's evident of such genius. Nicholas Sparks is a Genius. And ... I am obsessed with his novels.

I think I'll come to love every book he's written.

And that's all, I don't know why I came about writting unecessaties like this. But I just feel the need to let it out, somehow get it off my system of something like that. I need to sleep, now.

Out of sight, out of mind ?

2009-12-19T13:53:00.002+08:00

I've never really got used to the fact that I'm still jobless when I'm not supposed to be. Part of me regrets quitting the cubicle job I have. But another part of me just wants to relax at home for a while and take a breather. I guess I'm set for work after a week of break. And I really need the moolah.

But right now, I've been contemplating bout whether I should join the guys for the job in Sentosa and fly solo for the work at Ikea, it pays more as I heard from my brother.

In other issues. When you don't see your friends in a regular basis like you always do, something changes - maybe I'm just paranoid. But I had previous relationships that turn out this way, the friendship just went cold blue. Dead. I don't want that to be a recurring cliche in my life. After finishing every school, that always happens. Well, we'll see how this flows.

So, I've been reading a new book lately, I haven't read for quite a long time. I just realised how much I missed it. Especially good books. And I've come to realise that most of the movies that are favourited in my list of good movies and from novels writted by Nicholas Sparks. That man is a genius. I remembered this movie, called A Walk To Remember, the first of many that holds a lot of meaning - which his books usually does. The Notebook is another.

And the first book - which I've read from the author - earlier this week is Dear John which is now a motion picture, along with another one of his novel, The Last Song.

And I just realised I've been rambling on about this.

I am a Fan now. (:

2009-12-15T00:12:00.002+08:00

Today for the first time, I actually felt the need to blog. Just y'know write. Since, that's what I think I'm good at. I've been feeling .. lost. Like I want it to be that one thing, but somehow it seems impossible because it's not meant for me. I guess I'll never get the words right.

So let's get into more on an upbeat note. So, I quit my job. The one that I have as a draftsperson. It is so boring and mentally tiring, I don't know how people take it, in a daily, 9 to 5 basis. I can't see myself confined in a cubicle and stare at the computer all day long. Seriously, if I hadn't quit, I think it could be really damaging to my sanity. And yes, I am being dramatic. Then, that's where it got me thinking, if I don't wanna be doing this, what am I supposed to do ? I'm already walking down this line. I'm already in it for life. The only escape I have is music, which prolly wouldn't much of a backup plan cause these kind of career is never set in stone. You need lots of a luck and talent. Looking back on my life so far, I am heavily lacking in those areas.

So tell me what should I do then ?

2009-11-07T16:30:00.002+08:00

dang, now I'm addicted to a new K-drama, how am I ever going to start my revision. Especially with Jang Geun Seok in it. Hohum. I gotta break from this maybe just for a while. Think BCA !

Korean boys Crazy! (Again)

2009-11-02T20:28:00.001+08:00

For sure, this face I can daze at all night and day. Kay, I'm exaggerating. He's cute. Who is multi-talented he can sing and he can act. SuperBonus.

It's official I am absolutely having a major celeb crush on Geun-Seok Jang. That boy has a manly voice with a cute face on.

I have to stop this man, but I don't think this is gonna blow away that easily. I'm sure, I'm sure.

But my studies are more important, I've got to stop googling him or yahoo-ing him to find all the dramas and movies he acted in. My oh my.

I've got ot stop procrastinating.

Emotional rollercoaster.

2009-10-28T22:06:00.003+08:00

I can tell you right now that I don't know many things for sure. But what I know, there's two kinds of people that I'll remember for the rest of my life - the people who made me laugh and the people who made me cry. Sad I know. I bear grudges, frankly speaking I don't find it as a bad thing. I just remember who've hurt me, it's not like I'm plotting a freaking revenge on them.

To me, forgive and forget is just a term for certain kind of people. Heck yes, I forgive easily, no matter how much that one person made me cry. I'd prolly shurg it off under an hour. I swear this is true I'm not joking. If I forget, how can I laugh it off when I reminisce right ?

And after much deliberation, I don't think I can ever, ever open myself up to anyone ever. I guess different friends serves a different purpose. Not one, could be a secret keeper, filled with humour and a kind soul.

I have so much anger brewing in me right now, it's hard for me to hold it in. And yes, I am an overly-sensitive person who cries about a sad movie, who cries when she's frustrated and who cries when she has such overpowering furiousity that can't be tamed.

I hate being angry and when someone crosses over that line, it takes time to get back on my good side.
Enough said.

back on!

2009-10-20T17:21:00.002+08:00

So after a long while. Back from hiatus. I really have nothing much to update on. Cause the only constant in my life is the mundanity of ot all.

I've been letting my blog nest for quite a while and it's high time I got this up and running.

I wasn't in school earlier, I had massive stomach pain and went to toilet like twice under two hours, it may seem normal but it's not to me. So then, I thought I had diarrheoa. I decided to go see a doctor, but my mom told me it's prolly not diarrheoa. So then, afternoon came and I was too darn lazy to attend class, I already missed the morning lesson. What the heck, right ?

Spent the whole day on the comp, when I could do something fruitful like study. Yeah, heh. Seriously, it's no use having a comp if you don't have these two things:

1. Internet

2. The Sims

And so, I'll end my post at that.

2009-09-20T09:38:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's Eid today. I woke up at nine-thirty in the morning, woke up alone at that. No one's at home. The boys went for prayers, mom's at work. And this is the only thing I could think of doing to kill time.

Still, not a very splendid start to the day. I half-woke up to the sound of the Takbir going on from the radio. It's never a nuinsance. For me, that's the only thing I look forward to for this day. And it gets me all emotional and reminds me of my late grandfather.

I don't know why but I'm always in this kind of mood during festivities. Be it Chirstmas or New Year's - you name it. What a buzzkill. I think it's like programmed in me or something. I am so sad.

And while I'm at it, I would write an apology here. But that would conflict with my believes. I think apologies have so much sentimental value in it, that if not done personally - it's not from your heart. I mean that's my opinion. No offence intended, that would be the last thing I want to happen today - wait, I wouldn't want to happen at all.

So I think it's due time, I go take my shower and get ready fast, before Dad go grizzlybear at me. Trust me, not a sight you want to see

after a long while

2009-09-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

Yes now, I'm back and about to blog for real. Recent blogs have been too random.

So here it goes..

Early this week, I can't remember if it was a Monday or a Tuesday. I almost went to school without taking my shower. Cause, the pipe burst. My kid brother announced to the whole family, and he said this to me. "Kakak, besok kakak gi skola tk ya mandi tau." then, I gave him this expression that I don't get him. "paip bocor la, camne nk mandi." And by that time I was panicking, I had thoughts of not going to school just because I wasn't going to get a shower in the morning. Yes, I actually contemplated on that thought.

There's water though, but it was running on really little. So we showered the kampung style for that one day. And I'd have to say it was quite refreshing. In a sense that the water was superbly cold, which woke me up from my after-sleep daze. Plus, it saves a ton of water too.

And today. Talk about today. I'd never thought I'd meet a gentlement in my life ever. Until today. He actually would ask a random stranger-me beside him if I wanted the seat. Well, not verbally but actions speaks louder than words right ? I turned to him, so surprised that I was speechless. So I did the polite thing, gave that seat to ones that need it more. And speaking about that - I get back to that later.

So when the elderly couple left, he still he still did the same thing(I think.) But whatever, I really thought, I was dragged back to the 18th century where you could see gentlements everywhere. Of course, in also it can't possibly be true, cause in the 18th century there aren't any MRT.

And back to the elderly topic. I don't get why, when I offer a seat to an old man or woman, they would politely decline, when I know they want to sit. I mean it's not any burden to me and you shouldn't feel bad. Cause if you feel bad, I feel bad. But I for one, would not offer a seat to "elderly" people, who has the energy to dash to the MRT. If they have stamina to run, they have the energy to stand.

That's all I guess. I know maybe today, I over-blabbed. But whatever, all or nothing.

2009-09-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

something is seriously wrong with blogger. Very displeasing to my eyes.
Anyways.. I always forget bout what I want to blog about. Ugh, what's the point.

back

2009-09-07T21:39:00.000+08:00

blogger has a virus, ugh.

too old, too soon

2009-08-19T22:29:00.000+08:00

So I've said like before I'm not very good at this.

Well, let me start off with yesterday. I had initially planned to get home after a long day and late. We got off at five. I already set my mind to taking a shower when I reached home and take my dinner, watch my daily dose of korean drama on channel U. But was instead pursuaded by Estar to sccompany him for 45 minutes to wait for his fam. Well, then we decided to watch, The Hangover. (I'll go into details a little later.) Had dinenr a Burger King. Blah, blah, blah.

Okay, we got to the place where the attendats tear the tickets. So, I was feeling confident when I was getting in. I mean, I'm already in ITE I mean, common sense right ? Wrong. The dude stopped me and asked for my IC to check if I was 16 or not. ZOMG, I don't even look sixteen ?! You've got to be kidding me. And the guys already passed and was laughing their asses off esp Monkey. Well, I laughed too cause they were laughing. Okay, I just laughed thinking bout it. It is pretty hilarious. And the ironic thing is I'm the oldest among them ! It's still hasn't sunk in that I'm eighteen, and people don't even think I'm sixteen. Do I look that young, I mean at most I can be able to look sixteen right ?
I feel so shagged. Okay, topic change.

OMFG ! The Hangover is stands together with Pink Panther 2 on my list of funniest comedies I've ever seen. I literally laughed my socks off from beginning to end. For those who haven't watched it yet. Lemme tell you, it's worth your ridiculous $7.50. And I won't spoil the movie. Hilarious!

2009-08-15T12:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, was.. Well, I'm not very good with words - well, only in describing. I guess. I went to YOG carnival and, but that wasn't the highlight of the evening. It was when we went to the Toy/Comic convention got to take a picture of the tubular robot, and some characters from Starwars. Pardon me for my lack of knowledege. I was one big massive group. And suddenly everyone was staring at us. Oh, I got lost, not really lost just seperated from the group. Then what the hell happened next .. Oh, we went off to get dinner. The usual, the food, the jokes, the tease, the belly laughters. Thanks to Mr. Estaraynee, I ate dinner - but still you didn't have to. And, this guy whose name sounds like he was named after a Greek God or something. Came and join us. Who also happened to be one of those who went to the KL trip.

Fast forward>>Play

Some went off, and left with the few. There's really nothing that's new only that a few places in Singapore I've never been to. Through the whole 18 years of my life -.- Laughed, Sing(Nerve-racking I tell you, Hoarsy voice) the guys gaying. Lol. So when I was on the way home when I alighted the bus my heart was beating outside my rib cage. I got home, and to my HORROR my dad was at home, I didn't think he'd be home. Shizz! Oh but thank the GoodGOD that he didn't bother to ask me where I've been to. I went in my room and mom was there, not talking. She's so calm, it creeped me out, I was expecting the bomb that landed on Hiroshima, okay, too drama but prolly something that could wake the snoozing neighbours in the building. Yes, I know still too much drama. Nyeah, showered and I think I fell asleep a little wee bit in the shower. HAHA. Changed and I hit the sack.

It was a dreamless sleep, and a great morning that I woke up to. Boy, that's something money can't buy. So, today I'll be off to Grans place in a while.

why now, when it's all too late.

2009-08-07T22:57:00.001+08:00

Oh my, the hum drum of my Eighteen birthday. I forgot my own birthday - not the first thing that came into my mind when I woke up. Only until, I was in the toilet relieving myself is when I remembered. I don't find anything special in my birthdays, it became meaningless to me since a few years back. I'm only getting a year older, hopefully a year wiser. Plus, I'm legal now. I wasn't up for anything, all I could ever thing think of doing is being alone by myself.(Yeah, I know I'm being such an emoshithead on my 18th birthday.)Like I said earlier, it's not a big deal to me.

We had to watched lame KiteFlying that felt like forever. I dtiched that place and went home. Took the bus, the train, the bus. You know the works - my life is becoming a routine and if I don't do something about it soon, Imma gonna go bonkers - I swear. I slept, then I woke up thinking it's already over. I changed and got ready went to Queensway then to B.Gombak then home again. I know I'm skipping out on all the details. Bear with me.

Alright, I'm going to lay it all out on the table. No more secrets, no more "half-truth". No sheild, no barriers, no walls. Just plain bare, naked me.(Of course not literally.)
This is it..

Like clockwork, like a timer setting off. It's the same every year. It's similar like tonignt. They fall like there's too much to be kept. Like it's meant to be shared. Like anyone ever cared. Oh,I thought it was gone. But now, it's back and I am confused. Don't what I'm to do. Like reality slapped on my face. Rude awakening, calling out. Change. Or it'll only be the same. Same.
Oh I've had too much for the day. Wanted to be alone but you won't let me. No, you won't let me. All that I could ever need are wishes. Not the out-of-the-world ones but simple ones. Too simple you don't have to wish for it. But I guess it differs among people.

Obviously, I'm in a horrible rut.

it's tomorrow - my birthday

2009-08-06T18:18:00.002+08:00

To describe today, is like trying to describe perfection - one of the two words that everyone has their own paradigm. (guess where I got that from, yes the book.)

It was such a good weather to wake up to. It was raining, cold and windy.(No wonder I woke up late.) To me - this kind of weather is the kind that is best spent outside and experience the wonders of the wind.

On the way to school was daydreaming time for me. As usual. But the trip on the train wasn't a smooth one, there were delays until we got to the tunnel. And I was unusually calm about it, I would normally pull a long face and glare at innocent commuters.(Kidding) It was actually a nice pleasant trip, I get to catch up to my revision and stuff.(I revised! What a miracle.) I didn't even realise that I'm influenced by the book just by reading it. It is life-changing.

I arrived late at Kembangan Station. And I actully spoiled the surprise they had in store for me.(Oh shit I forgot to thank them.) Lol. The day went on, there was a phototaking session for the year twos. Had brunch which I never finish, actually I never finish any food handed out to me. Tsk. Then it was break time. So.. this is where the madness starts.

We went to find the voideck that we went to like last year. Like dejavu but with new friends made over the span of a few months. It was a clean thing(or so I thought), eating, cutting the cake, the birthday song - the teasing(yes, it never ends even on my birthday.) I didn't make a wish cause I didn't have to. That's how happy I am. The smothered me with cake that's meant to be eaten, it went up my nose, in my hair and on my clothes. And I smell like cake from the time on. Till I get home. Thanks to Jessica I have a clean shirt on. Bless you(: And all the others that contributed to the cake and for their attendance on my birthday. I'll end it with this note in mind - Imma gonna get you on your birthdays !(Evil laugh!)

winging it

2009-08-04T21:30:00.001+08:00

You know, I really have nothing worthy to blog about today. Well, let's give random a go. Okay, for one, I really am curious why my abdomen hurts. It feels like I've laughed for hours continuously. Which I haven't.

I read this book - 7 habits of highly effecticve teenagers. When I first read the title I thought to myself - 'are todays teens that defective for them to be given a manual ?' The book is great, the things that they say in there are actually valuable lessons that can be brought with you everywhere in life at any age. It taught about planning ahead, where do you see yourself in a year, what random acts of kindness can do to you. Very good book.

Oh and I began writing again. Not a surprise, these inspirations comes by like irregular period. I tell you this much, sometimes when you just want to write but nothing comes to your head, you try too hard you get frustrated, sometimes they even come in your dreams, wake you up when you should be sleeping, and force you to write them down, so you wouldn't forget them when you wake in the morning. Sometimes, you have so many ideas, I could like write two to three - tops. Doesn't have to mean anything, but of course with meaning. Songs without meaning are like food without spices.

I'm just making this up(but I think I've heard it somewhere before..) I call this impromtu writing - just writing off my head whatever pops up, pops on the screen. Like a mind-reading machine.
Whoa, winging it isn't such a bad thing after all. Maybe it just applies to this.

I miss studying - Science, History, Geography, (never thought I'd say this) Maths - oh, Algebra and the whole shitload that comes with it. English - compositions ! I miss them all.

stop the traffik!

2009-07-30T21:38:00.001+08:00

I recently read this book about human trafficking. It changed my life like to the extent that I felt guilty that here I am living in such wonderful conditions that I take for granted and they are, what they've been through are just too cruel fofr words.
The stories are heartbreaking. And I just thought I just wanted to spread the message, even with the little that I do.

India, Phillipines, Thailand - to name a few. Some are children, some are teenagers, some are men. Most of them girls. Some victims are fooled by the thought of a better future, some are kidnapped and some are even sold by their own parents.

These children are shipped off, thrown into a lorry, travel by boat, passing borders illegally. To a brothel, beaten and abused. These kids are the age of your kid borthers and sisters. Somehow all of these crimes are linked to the towering numbers in HIV/AIDS in their countries, the poverty.

These people are very vulnerable to such things. They fall for their trap so easily, just to feed their family, to have a better life. With hopes and then crushed when reality came to face them.

Now, this is the part that affect us. Our food our clothes, the carpets the we rest our feet on. Choclate bars, Coffee, Tea. Even pornograhy. These are some of the things that we are contributing to.
Not much people are aware of this. Because in Singapore, you don't see such things happen, I don't know maybe there is. We are sheilded from all of this.

Little boys aged from seven to thirteen, made to work long hours under scorching sun and inhumane conditions. Carrying heavy loads on their shoulders, resulting to bruises and cuts. To make cocoa powder, for us to indulge on our sugary treats.

Little girls sold or kidnapped to be made into a sex slave. For years in a brothel. At such a tender age, to have to go through that kind of pain is just unbearable.

Your occasoinal dish of porn, do you know that some of the girls are forced into doing those things. To give you what ? A few minutes of pleasure.

I'm not trying to be a Saint or change the world. I'm speaking out, because I don't what else to do.
Go to www.stopthetraffik.org

transformer talk

2009-07-19T15:01:00.002+08:00

I just watched Transformers 2 and I have to say, I'm not as impressed as I was with the first movie. Metal tin cans body slam into each other. And what's with the trend that the Decepticons have ? The pointy beards and spiky eyebrows ? Funny how the little things are the ones that annoy me the most. But I do have to praise them for their humour. And of course the new characters added in - like, the rustic old robot, the Bug-faced hip-hop talking Bot, and the oh, the perverted "faithful" Decepticon that Megan Fox - the rumoured man, made as a pet. And how Shia LaBeouf got jealous because of her so-called pet. I guess the things that's memorable bout this movie is prolly just the drama and LOL comedies injected to it. To end this, so to say, it's also the little things that makes a good movie memorable and worthwatching.

Typping maniac crazy

2009-07-08T21:59:00.004+08:00

blogger's making big fucking problems again-.-

well, no picture for today. I'm just so effing tired today, tired of squabbling, tired from school and just so many other things. I'm trying to keep my eyes open.

It rained today and that's the way I like best, and now that I think of it, maybe continuing to HIgher Nitec won't be such a bad idea after all. But I still do have high hopes for poly. Whatever it is, I must get all A's and go all out. And when I have the results I want it's just up to fate how it should go. I've done my part and made my choice wanting to get to where I want to be. So I'm leaving it all the rest to God.

also, I've been hogging on the computer playing Typing Maniac to beat my own high score. Just like life: you try to be the best that you can be, you try harder, but things just get to you - too fast but what you get in all the madness becomes a memory you'd remember.

falling leaves, swept away by the breeze

2009-07-07T22:46:00.002+08:00

You want to go with the flow, you made a choice and expected the outcome but somehow deep down wanting so much to be surprised. Somehow today, was defintely unexpected in a sense that you don't know every detailed happenings. But nothing extraordinary, it came out just as close to how I thought it was.

Life can take many unexpected turns, still a surprise. I hate surprises that's why I'm predictable, I hate being predictable, with people knowing exactly what I'm going to say or do next. But I can say one thing for sure, I have many words left to say, many feelings left to be expressed. That no one can see it's as if there's a huge wall infront of me; hiding me, not exposing my secrets of the past. You read this 'Wow she's such a mystery, I almost don't recognise her'.

I'm just saying if I don't open up to you, don't take offence I'm just that way. I have major trust issues regarding huge matters not trival subjects - that I can take - Because right now in my life, not a single soul knows how broken and sceptical I am towards people and their sweet words.

Sometimes you were meant to fall - you do - but lightly because you braced for it, for the shortcomings. Sometimes you think you know what's gonna happen but it doesn't. To interpret life in a few words is a definite impossibility. Because it's just too vast, for just mere philosophical phrases. Philosophies - I think are there to make us understand life alot better. Because sometimes the confusion and the madness can overwhelm you sometimes.

And I've decided to paste my result slip on my refrigerator door, to inspire me, to motivate me wheneve I think I can't. If I could get 2 B's I definitely can get to A's in this current term.

Academically complacent

2009-07-06T21:00:00.003+08:00

usually when I have photos before I blog for a particular day, it is a mirror of my feelings - well, most days. Today, not really. I skipped school today, yes I intended to skip school, I made up my mind since Friday. It's not that I don't want to go to school, because in my current academic state right now, it should be a priority. It is. I guess I just needed one more day to get ready. I don't know why I'm nervous, this always happens at the start of the first day of school. Right now I just hope that I didn't miss out on anything important. Plus, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, class ends at 12.

And I'm still thinking of a catchy, witty title for today.

I guess I'll be blogging about school about school tomorrow. Till another time then.

Falling softly, breathing slowly.

2009-07-05T16:16:00.002+08:00

It's my favourite kind of weather - rain, drizzle. So calming, the sound of the the rain falling hard from way up high but still subtle. The cool and sombre grey sky, not too dark you can still see the light of the day. These are the times I wish I could stay out and feel the cool breeze and hear the rain drops, pitter patter, pitter patter.

Sunsets and sunrise

2009-07-04T12:27:00.004+08:00

See, once you've had a taste of hardship and have gone through it with no help from anyone. With your own efforts you made it through the storm. You'll feel an exploding sense of pride. You learn to appreciate what you already have and how grateful you are to be here, in such mediocre, normal and fulfilled circumstances. The riches and the luxuries can't compare to what you have overcome, because at the end of the day you'll remember how you got to where you are now- that is what makes a memory.

And I am grateful to be apart of mediocrity. A life when sometimes you get the sourest of lemons and once in a while you get the sweetest of peaches which, to me is equivalent to my family, the laughters we share and the hardships we conquered. You taste a little hint from both worlds just like where night and day meets - Sunsets and sunrise

In a situation like this mediocre is not such a bad thing after all.

It's a blessing.

Hope

2009-07-02T14:55:00.002+08:00

Hopes are something you hold on to in life - it's almost a necessity. In situations like, when you're loved one is in an accident and in a critical condition. You hope and pray for them out of care and concern. Also when you went for your job interview, you hope to get that job. Hope - in my opinion, is supposed to ease your horrid thoughts for the worse that could happen. Hope can never go wrong, it is something that feelings can never go against.

I hoped too much, I depend on it too much, not believing in miracles to a total pessimist, somewhere in between is a place where I always find myself. What I'm about to say in my case, right now. I hope too much and work too little. Believing in miracles when I so much stand against it. I thought I would do well at least a decent grade from my very poor and pathetic previous one. There is an improvement, most definitely. Figuratively and attitude wise. But in reality, even if I work to the best of my ability and I got the best that I could ever get in the next term I would just still be above good. That is, of course if I work hard enough for that grade. And after all that has been done. After all the hopes crushed I'm still hoping. When it has failed me so many times. But in actual fact I have failed myself, not studying enough and being to complacent and a fool to think everything is going to go my way.

Blaming hope is my alibi. Because my egoistical-self won't admit that I was the reason for my failures. I am my own enemy and my own best friend. I am driven to do and be the best in my own record. I'm not competing with others I am competing with myself. I could either falter in my own negativity and self-pity or I could rise and achieve what I know I can all this time.

2009-06-21T13:34:00.002+08:00

it's summer everyday in Singapore - technically. And also the weather is getting riculously hot every friggin day. Oh where's the rain ?! I love rain. The before and after is calming always. Won't you want to have that everyday ? I know sometimes you can get your shoe wet. Find another alternative for your canvas shoes - wear rubbered sandals, crocs maybe. When it's wet you can just wipe it off and it won't give you stinky feet. It has holes for your feet to breathe.

Ignore everything I've said.

well, gonna get a job somehow. I'm procrastinating again. Should stop doing that.

I have nothing to do. Stupid cable is being a pain in the wires. And Singapore channels are so so very limited. To say limited is already an overstatement.

Whatever, gonna do stuff. Gahh.

2009-06-08T17:35:00.003+08:00

I guess, you're guessing what I'm about to say. So people let's be frank here, I have nothing to do and my blog is getting duller by the minute. And I bet you agree with that.

So I just cut my bangs. I don't know what got over me that made me cut my bangs. Seriously, I think I got possesed by the hair monster who wants my hair. I know that's a load of crap. I've got to stop all these impulsive decisions. I need to take a second and think through what I'm doing - correction, what I'm about to do. Because if I say doing, then it's already too late. And also of course, I need to take more than a second to think about a final decision. Which of course explains why I make rash decisions.

I have nothing else to say.

2009-06-07T16:26:00.002+08:00

okay second post of the day and I forgot what to say.

I need to buy a pen.

it seems as if everyday is like a scorching hot rainy day to me.

what am i saying ?

2009-06-07T14:39:00.003+08:00

school's out, boring is in. which is funny, because a normal human would put it the other way around. okay, what ? it's only been less than a week from the start of my hols and I'm already bored out of my mind. I need to find a job, get my brain up and running. I feel like I'm brain dead which is equivalent to being a vegetable - which I am not. Do you see my problem ?

Yesterday, Shariff and I accompanied Estar for the Sg Idol audition which never happened, I won't divulge more on that. Well, at least something fruitful came out of it. So Estar here's the thankyou you've been waiting for. I know we gave you a hard time for what happened yesterday, for my part I didn't mean one single word - who am I kidding ? I did mean every word I said. I'm just kidding again. (see I'm so bored I'm writing an apology on my blog, how sad is that?)

And so here's what I was getting in to - I get sidetracked so easily, like what I'm doing now. So we went for a movie. Terminator Salvation. We went around and went into Yamaha and I saw the sign that they're hiring part-time and full-time. Which is great because I need to get something to do plus my wallet is dry and moolah-less. And I think I'm going to try for that job. Save money and buy a keyboard which cost really cheap for a keyboard if I have that I could actually put some tunes into my songs that I write for no reason just to pass time. Phew.

and I like rain, don't really like the sun. random I know.

2009-05-28T21:32:00.002+08:00

so let's start with a high note - actually, it's a long time since, I haven't had highlights of the day or week. Cause, honestly, I have none. Well, other than laughing my ass off every single day. That's basically it. I know this is how my life, mundane, boring, and uninteresting. I'm looking for drama(but I don't want it), I'm waiting to crush on someone(but I never seem to like anyone.) I like to stay in rather than go out. Call me boring - that's how my life is. I want to chase for my dreams(but not certain if it's supposed to be my dream). I want to change(but the procrastination never ends) . I don't care what people think about me(but deep down I'm thinking what they might be thinking. Would they like it ?) I'm a worrywot(but I hide it)

The time spent writing these words should be used to study for my exams but I'm not. Oooh surprise, surprise.(rollseyes). In the tunnel I only see darkness and I know I shouldn't be looking forward for the light. Because in the end it is me who's going to get disappointed all over again. Like it always have been. And right now, I should be studying but that's not what I want to do. But I'm going to, because life ain't my fantasy I've created on my own. Life is unexpected, it's a mystery. If it has to be that way, and no other way. I want it to be worthwhile, not just for a while.

And I'm hope I'm the the kind of person that not only talks the talk but also walks the walk.

And I am sick of this emo shit stuff.

2009-05-10T14:48:00.002+08:00

honestly, I think I need more brain cells - really. I feel so fucking stupid sometimes. The simplest of maths I can't understand, especially someone who used to have a standing in Normal Acad stream. I don't how to survive this I don't know how I'm going to survive Poly. I mean only if I can get through, which is a very very very very slim chance, close to 5percent. Right now, I doubt I can - looks like I'm going to be continuing in Higher Nitec. Ugh, the very thought of it makes me wanna kill myself, I don't think I can endure another 3 years to get to poly. I am seriously screwed.

2009-04-03T23:04:00.009+08:00

so I guess there's no better time than now to upload my photos.

and lemme tell you having fever, headache, gastric and diarrhoea is not something you want to have all at the same time. I ate a slice of watermelon and along came out watermelon juice, it's like having period through your mouth, ok yuck. gross. and feeling bulimic ain't fun. nyah.

enjoy the photos.

2009-03-26T11:26:00.003+08:00

well, it's bloody time this internet got up and running. sheesh. it's been quite a while since I last blog-ed. I should prolly, post things more up to date. but I dunno where to start. I wanna upload photos but it's so so many - I would say I'll do it later but later prolly means never or maybe.

Here's the quick run through - from when I can remember. Went to Balestier for something. Before that, we ate lunch at pastamania - thanks to XM, I could eat lunch. Then I think we went and catch a movie at Juction8, it was PinkPanther and Slumdog Millionaire. I found out I didn't get to go to the KL trip then I found out I get to go to the KL trip. Frankly, speaking when I first found out I can go and then I can't go I actually already gave up on that thought. But then I can go, I wasn't excited to get to go but still excited in some weird way. If I'm not making sense to you that's okay. Sometimes I don't even get myself. Whatever. Last I remembered I went to KL and then I'll upload upload photos later.

ttfn.

2009-02-19T22:06:00.002+08:00

okay, obviously my internet is back up and running - no, crawling reeallyreeally slowly. It's taking it's own bloody sweet time and impatient me is near pulling her hair out.

so, alot has happened in the span of a few months. I accidentally burned myself with the hot kettle. my blog needs a revamp which I am going to do real soon only it won't be because of this laggy computer. nehneh. & it has been collecting far too many cobwebs. gotta go now, school's tomorrow, class test the whole week of next week, exam for the term begins two weeks after, and hols starts a week after the end of the exam - now that's what I'm looking forward to.

2008-12-29T15:29:00.000+08:00

christmas ended. New year's coming. Many things change but only one thing remains the same - having regrets, many I can live with but some I just feel like killing myself for. I do regret somethings I say or do but I can't undo it. So I'll just think before I talk for next year. Lesigh

2008-12-04T16:15:00.003+08:00

hols are here, that only means one thing - boring, it's gonna be filled with many couch potato days. haha. yep, that's what it's gonna be like. Me sitting infront of the tvee all day everyday. I really need to find something to do.

and another thing I want to say, I am not going to lend anything to anyone ever again, well only to people I trust to keep it in good condition or to give back for that matter. Some things I say can be sarcastic and rude but it's my property and I have the right to ask for it. I'm going to pester her so bad, she's gonna call me to stop bugging her. And I'm not going to stop till I get what I want. I wouldn't be doing this if I need the thing. It's fine for how long you want to keep it, but once I want it back you better give it to me. Your tricks aren't going to stop me. It may just be a game to you but it's my stuff. ugh, I'm not going to talk about this anymore, making me frustrated because of you. trust me when I say this it is not going to be burned.

2008-11-20T13:40:00.002+08:00

I guess everything's back to normal, I guess. It has always been well, kinda of hectic. Heh. Nothing have changed so much, just that I'm coming to school more often and much earlier - but still late. I have to like cram (again!) It's getting to become a habit. Badbad. All those things that I need to know to get a decent grade for myself. I think I'm going to get something lower than a 2.5 for this term. Seriously, I need to buck up, pull up my socks and whatever phrase that has the same meaning to the phrase. I'm going to update if there's sctually something for me to yap about.

That's what you get when you let your heart win - Paramore.

A phrase I'm currently addicted with, the song I mean.

2008-11-13T14:14:00.002+08:00

so people here's the not-so-recent update, last sunday Nana and me accompanied her mom to this hari raya gathering - the funny thing is hari raya is already a month over. It wasn't something that you enjoy, it was miserably boring, I kept yawning. I know it's rude but it's not like I can help it. At the end of the ceremony there's this old bald guy suddenly giving this motivational speech - in other words I didn't get it.

After that, we went and eat at a near hawker centre. I was promised food at the gathering but NO ! I didn't get it. The only reason I agreed to go is because of food. Whatever, we went to Vivo afterwards, we apent the whole time taking pictures, we're crazy shutterbugs - after an hour of camwhoring and my aunt's gossips, we went home. And still then she was still talking. The whole trip back to BL made my ass sore. LOL. But I was glad I came along cause, I missed my cousin so much.

Yesterday

I skipped school and actually did my drawings dutilfully, I'm always cramping everything at the very last minute. It's becoming a habit and I very well know I should stop it. I accompanied mom to Giant and argued about why she should by me a sweater. It's not really anything serious it sounds more like something so casual. The grocery shopping trip was, HILARIOUS ! We were on a laughing fit the whole time we were there and it continued on the bus, B.Brother can't comtrol his laughter and his shoulders shook vigorously it was so funny. HAHA. I am aware that I'm making the really funny situation unfunny.

I'm like the party-pooper in this sense.
That'sall for now. The only time I can blog during my theory lesson. LOL

2008-10-31T10:38:00.002+08:00

everything's different
it feels like I'm sucked into a whole different place
but ironically, it all looks the same.
life - for me has whole new meaning, I just have this gut feeling that my life is having a drastic change. I'm not sure if it is actually going to happen - I ain't no psychic.

everything is going so fast I don't know what hit me. Heh.
so I guess here's the update:

I've been out and about lately, last weekend I visited my relatives from Melacca. I didn't expect it to be fun but boy was I wrong. It wasn't like the best weekend ever but it was pretty awesome. Those lameass inside jokes all add up to one big happy day. One of them - bubble poop ! Just thinking about it makes me want to breakout into loud guffaws. Bahaha !

and the toilet experience was one I will prolly remember(but it sure wasn't something I want to remember) and tell grandmother stories to my grandkids - if I could live that long. Heh

that's all for now, I'll be on hiatus now, thanks to my internet(again!)
the computer is a useless piece of metal w/o the world wide web.

2008-09-08T21:46:00.004+08:00

bumdeedeedeedumdidum.

yes, I'm bored. I've got nothing to do-.- My blog has been collectig cobwebs, so here's the update.

I'm going for an appointment at SGH tommorow, for something I shan't tell. Simple reason - it's wayy too embarassing. I bet that gets you wondering. Haha. I guess it's nothing really serious, it'll be fine, I'll be fine. I hope I get hospitalised that'll be a first for me. I just want to know how it feels like, I'm neither sick nor sadistic to actually want to stay in a hospital. Heh.

GAHH, I'm bored !

That's it for now, goodles.

2008-08-29T12:27:00.003+08:00

ahh, finally after the crunch time. I can sleep properly now. I was so tired and I wasn't myself sometimes. Everything is done, I'm only left with studying for my exams on tuesday, thursday and friday. No confindence in anyone of those -nada.

I slept for 17 hours ! From 8 to 10 this morning, amazing. I spent more than half a day snoozing.

lol

that's all for now, later.

2008-08-21T14:21:00.003+08:00

the reason for the many empty posts, are because, basically, I've got nothing to say, nothing much happened it's the same ol' same ol'. heh.

just so you know, I'm bored.

2008-08-12T00:44:00.003+08:00

It's past midnight and I'm still awake, hopelessly hoping that this will actually make me tired. I think it's prolly bcos of the intense coffee I had earlier. I made a vow to myself not to drink caffeine more than once a week, but yeah, I broke it - typical. why am I talking bout' this ? deprivation of sleep, most definitely. I should prolly not go to sleep at all cos' if I do I know I'm gonna wake up late, knowing myself oh so very well. I'm never punctual, I'm either too late or wayy too early. Heh.

lemme, think. what shall I talk aimlessly about. so I've been watching 1 litre of tears, I need a box of kleenex ready before I start watching that drama, it touches you right there at your heart. It's for people -well, duh ? basically, if you feel like crying for no obvious reason, watch it and boy will you cry. omg I seriously need to sleep. but I can't. damn you coffee !

there's school tomorow, well not tomorow, later in the morning infact. I dread for later in the morning infact. there's P.E before lunch. I hate P.E, ugh ! I'm going to cry my eyeballs out now, I'm bored.

Later

2008-08-10T11:47:00.003+08:00

yesterday was national day, things never go as planned when the driver is my uncle. right, so before everything else happened, my aunt bought me a very adorable Hello Kitty cake to celebrate my belated birthday, it wasn't anything big but it's alright, at least I was remebered by some people. I'm having the same pathetic fate as I did years ago, I said to myself I won't forget the people that I leave behind, but it seems they did forget about me, so then I won't sit around brooding bout' it and cherish those who remembers me. yup, that's what I wanted to say.

so we headed off to east coast, there were parking lots for us to park, but for some not-so-obvious reason my uncle didn't. so he actually drove from carpark C to E until it suddenly rained heavily so most of us were on the pickup truck, we got terribly wet and forced to go out and take shelter at the nearest toilet. so we decided to just go home since it's already raining. here's the funny part, we didn't want any of the food to get wet so we ate on the moving pick-up truck, there were only a small shelter, the little kids were in it, we were outside, so I held a brolly and we ate under there only heads in that was the first time eating in a condition like that on a moving pick-up truck. so it's not so funny after all just maybe, sad.

I'll forward >>

so we had ice-cream on a cold rain day, we were already wet and cold and still ate ice-cream. yeh-.- we wanted to watch the fireworks, by the time we're on the way there it was almost dawn. so, we were wet and bored, they decided to wave to the people in the vehicles, I just joined in but they did most of the waving, screams and cheers for no apparent reason. There were some sporting ones, some not so. some just smiled. so we stopped, idk where and and watched the black knights for awhile until the traffic police told us to move.

here's the best part, we pointed to some random direction and pretend to look amaze to see whether the drivers were gullible enough to fall for it and there were some who actually were. LMAO ! waving to strangers is fun. hah.

after all that I went home. -.-

I would want to say more but I don't want to.

2008-08-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

happy seventeenth birthday to me !

birthday wishes are much more better than birthday presents, for me. mom greeted me happy birthday in her half-asleep tone, it felt half-hearted like being forced. whatever.

I wanna skip the traumatic part, I feel sorry for Lester's eye tho' haha. Forward, I got flour-ed ! and cake ! mmm, yummyyummy. I was having a blast until I got this message from that asshole I don't feel bad curshing him now, because my hatred is raw right now. seriously, he just has to make my day go bad. seriously, I don't get how you could manage to have an insult an a word of emotion put together in one text message. you're so heartless, dickhead ! and I mean that.

to this day, It's the best I had so far to be remembered meant alot to me. but somehow, deep down inside I'm still not happy, just because the people I care about in the past and still do don't remember my birthday at all, and it's a sucky feeling. I wanna cry but I don't wanna ruin the day, I guess I expected too much from them. what I learnt is don't expect anything that's the only way you won't get any disappointments.

2008-08-06T21:18:00.003+08:00

okayy, i'm definitely not getting my Breaking Dawn book. *heavyheavysigh*

this sucks, I was soo looking forward to it for my seventeenth birthday gift from Mom.

2008-08-04T21:55:00.003+08:00

It's August 4th and I haven't got my book yet. it's killing me knowing that day by day people's going to buy the book and it'll be out of stock by the time I get to buy it. I sooo do not want that to happen, mommy I want that book so baddllyy ! I should've pre-oredered it. Gahh !

honestly, right now. I've got nothing else to say, because my mind is totally blank; empty. I'm being a momentary airhead now. lol. It's time for Prison Break, but I don't feel like watching it, just because I know there's an encore on saturday which is also on contry's birthday, two days before is my birhtday. which, states that I'm turning Seventeen a year older, I just hope I don't look older. haha.

I swear, I was totally absent-minded the whole day through, I get distracted easily, and I can't focus on one thing, it's too easy for my to avert my gaze to something else and till this day, I still have not yet bought my test books & bus rides from Boonlay to Bedok is a pain in the ass, litetrally ! I almost got bus-sickness.

whatever, I'm talking crap now.

2008-08-03T09:17:00.003+08:00

I'm afraid of eternity; the word forever.

I'm afraid to die and at the same time afraid to live knowing that I'll die someday, I know that's the cycle of life.

I'm not afraid of life, I'm afraid of what happens after.

The word forever brings chills through my spine

How can heaven be forever ?

Won't the inhabitants of heaven get sick of it ? cos' it never ends.

I guess I'm so used to things ending that I can't handle forever, but in earth you can't have forever. so why do dictionaries even have this word ?

2008-08-02T12:14:00.003+08:00

Breaking Dawn is less than two days away ! I've been waiting for this since, I knew about it -.- heh. k, I just hope I get the book as a birthday present, it's the perfect timing, my birthday is just 3 days after Breaking Dawn is out in stores ! It'll be a perfect present. I think I'd have to suck up to Mom, haha.

Hey Milo(Ventimiglia), you're so hot I burned my tounge. LOLLLL ! That was so lame and very random, and one of the many inside jokes from secondary school. *sigh* surprisingly, I miss those days, I think it's the best years of my teenage life - when you start to have serious crushing, major boy drama, think you're in love -.- (i know, very lame), rebellion starts kicking in, detention, after-school hangout at the cafeteria, manymany laugh-out-loud(s), crying in the cafeteria(boy, do i regret that happened, it's was too sad, I'm so ashamed I don't want to admit it was me, y'know), CCA drills, marching, BFF issues, catfights, the laughing gas that always kicks in during geography lessons, my being made fun of by you know who, (I always get teased, I thought it'll stop but it got worse, I always ask myself why ? Is my face funny ?) regrets made, memories made - it all came from the same place, OHH ! black forest, haha. I wonder if she's still around, oh! I dreaded the first P.E lessons after every holiday, you have to take you height and weight !(traumatizing y'know), Dnt lessons with Mr.Amin, jealousy, teen angst - anything and everything ! I miss those days, but I don't want it back. It'll be real cool if you can see yourself in the past like y'know in a movie about your past life.

till another time<3

2008-08-01T12:36:00.003+08:00

some things are best to remain secret.

some feelings are better left hidden and not voiced out.

denial is what I'm best at.

lying is what I'm good at.

so what ? I don't care so why should anyone ?

even after everything said, I'm still me - no change, nada.

If I tell someone, that most of the time I'm telling the truth, who would believe me ?

I'm a liar, everyone is.

sometimes, the truth may seem like a lie and the lie may seem otherwise.

so who do you believe ? except yourself.

yes, I have trust issues, it's hard.

that's what I can say.

2008-07-31T21:49:00.003+08:00

you want to hate but you can't, just because you feel bad doing so - I wanna do so.

I wanna quit but what next ?

today is fine, tomorrow holds a mystery and the past I'm just afraid that it might come creeping back to me.

I try to hide but to no avail, what does this feeling really means ?

honestly, I'm sick of it.

I want to accept that very fact, but I'll hate myself if I did so.

so what do I do ?

I try to hide the feelings and the problems floating in my heart and in my head.

I do it very well,(i think)

but it's something very tiring to live up to every single fucking day.

it seems everyone else got it so simple, but not for me.

why ?

I wanna leave but my heart's here.

I can't leave, and I never will as long as I shall live.

I think I can make it through this.

I'll pray, do deeds as much as I could possibly do and my daily sins that I can never run away from.

I'll be fine.

2008-07-30T14:11:00.003+08:00

oh & did I mention Breaking Dawn is out next Monday !

I can't wait for it.

I hope Mom's getting it for me for my Birthday, oh pretty please.

I know her cash is tight right now, but mom, for you not-so-lovely daughte's sake.

HAHAHAHA !

2008-07-30T13:46:00.003+08:00

I've got errands to do and frankly I'm in no mood for any of it.

I need to have a haircut, but I'm that broke that I can't even afford the cheap auntie place.

tell me, how more ridiculously poor can my family get ?

I keep telling myself that It'll pass, but we never get close to ending the bills.

this tells me something, I really can't be too dependant on my parents for cash, cause' they need it more than I do.

I know what they're facing but I just don't seem to accept it, when I should know better that I have to understand.

& I should know better to go, get up and find a job than sit my ass at home all day everyday. haha.

I woke up late again-.- today. Amazingly, I showered and got ready for school under twenty minutes. Haha. When I went out I two pairs of my shoe, each missing a shoe, one thrown down and the other hidden by some mindless idiot.

serisouly, hiding, throwing a stranger's shoe down and stacking things in front of the lift door ? don't these people have a life ?

thanks to them, they fucked up my day(:

I guess that's an acomplisment for them screwing up someone's morning, yeah. pfft.

now, I'll go munching my Captn Crunch<3

2008-07-28T21:17:00.003+08:00

skedush, i don't have anything to yap about. so my post today shall be dead-.-

so here goes nothing ..

like i said nothing. haha, lameass shit.

2008-07-27T15:14:00.003+08:00

I guess my PMS is kicking in these past few days, that explains the foul mood. & guess what I'm still craving for LJS. Seriously, I need it ! Mom feed me. Haha. kay, I know time fly so fast it takes you a minute to take in 'it's already (put day/date here)' i've been doing alot of that lately. gahh, my school pocket money has been cut down to four bucks, lemme tell you it's not enough, well, for my sitch, i basically have two meals outside, y'know how expensive food are now, food at school is way cheaper, it's a good way to save money, but whenever i buy it i never finish it, and again waste of money. i hate wasting food. so now, i can't eat at school.

oookkkayy .. why am i talking about this ?

weird, yes ?

i miss him sometimes, when I'm left alone, I think about him alot. I miss him I really do. I'd be lying to myself id I said I don't anymore. If I lied to anyone, I'm merely just putting on a brave front, if people know my inside they'll know what's the lie and what's the truth.

2008-07-25T18:13:00.006+08:00

These past few days went by pleasantly, weather wise I mean. It's wet but still bearable. School is alright.

Now, I'm not certain if that's your alibi. But c'mon why the need to hide things from me ? Just say it what's so difficult bout' that ? I'm just sick of people hiding things from me, this isn't the only time it happened. y'know I may not be smart but I know very well that I'm not an idiot to figure it out. uh, whatever. I'm not gonna ponder on meaningless things like this anymore, wasted emotions. I'll just let it be and turn heartless.

& I have it up to here with some people, y'know I can manage the teasings and being tormented every single day but sometimes I have to draw the line, there's a huge major difference from playful jokes and teasings & an insult. Seriously, someone needs to get it right before I crack, by that time I don't give a freakin' hoot bout' your feelings.

2008-07-23T23:33:00.003+08:00

I can see where you are

I can tell you're enjoying it so far

I would love to escape, but now I'm bound

By the burn of your eyes

Looking on as I'm staritng ot realize

I'm a pawn in your game and this is checkmate

As the roses lift their heads to catch a glimpse of my demise

You'll be throwing lies like ocean waves throw down the tides

And they are breaking on my shore

And the rescue team won't save me now I'm out too far

So I'll waste these nights for a while

But I'll be holding on to you forever

And this is where my heart is cold and torn

As I read the words you wrote last night

The butterflies are creeping through my spine

It's a thirll I can't shake

Yeah i know we've been writing a mistake

But it's hard to erase the feelings I've drawn

I was caught in an awkward silence

Broken down by the sound of the prelude that your played

To open our symphony

I've been sleeping with the sunrise watching hours pass away

Incidentally, i'm just waiting for the dusk to kill the day

But now I'm waiting for your call

When I bang into this piano like you care at all

As I hear the words you're saying tonight

I fall for them every single time

As the roses dip their head a little futhur to the ground

There's a season change and all the pinks and whites have turned to brown

We will make it through the fall yeah are we gonna make it through this fall

'Cause I don't wanna fall with you

I'm trying, we're dying yeahh

I'm taken by your hope-filled lines

They're well designed and dragging me along

I'll be wating for this chance and I'll be gone

-Roses and Butterflies

2008-07-22T21:42:00.003+08:00

it feels nice to be surrounded by people whom you feel happy with, even without talking you feel a sense of warmth and joy. even though sometimes i hate to admit it, my family can be a real pain in the ass. but in times they just have this silliness that just makes you smile inside(yeah, i do that alot.) the other night we were laughing so loud about some of our inside jokes we made up that night, we don't even give a hoot about the stares and looks, we just laughed our ass off.

i guess that was the first time in a long time we laughed like that in public places. that image above was simply just for fun, comedy and laughter !

'The joy in life is not hearing the words I love you,

it is to be lucky enough to say those words.'

heard it from Samantha Who ? I guess it holds alot of meaning to it that's why I put it down.

taa<3!

2008-07-21T19:05:00.003+08:00

I won't deny that there's still the awkwardness that I can't shake away.

I won't deny that when I see you I look away.

I won't deny that I still can't meet your gaze.

I won't deny that I loved you once.

I won't deny that I miss you.

I miss your hugs and kisses on my cheek.

I miss that one time we held hands and your palms weren't sweaty.

I miss walks from the interchange to my doorstep.

I miss those times when you crept up from behind and hug me.

I miss seeing your shoulders move uncontrollably when you laugh.

I miss those late messages we used to have. Especially that one night we had it until 3 am.

I miss those times you tried to do that thing you can never do.

I miss seeing the face when you sulk.

I miss the times you tried to pinch my cheeks and many failed attempts.

I miss the touch of you skin.

I miss saying goodbye and goodnight.

Lastly, I just simply miss having you around.

And now when these memories come to light in my thoughts, I'll smile. Knowing now that I've finally moved on. No doubt, I'll leave the past behind but memories of you and me I'll bring along with me forever and hope that it's never forgotten.

All these while I thought that I have gotten over you, well, all these while I've been lying to myself. Now, I know and very sure that I already have. I won't cringe with the very thought of you or shake it away, I'll smile inside.

I'll take this as letting go.

Now enough of all these lovey-dovey gooey romantic stuff. I think if I go on any furthur I might just throw out my lunch. Just for moment I felt like a girl, girl. Haha, if that don't make sense to you, you don't know me. My exterior may seem somewhat harsh but I do have a heart, having and exterior like mine I have act up to it.

Everyday in school, something new comes up, Ham did the silliest most crappiest thing today, I don't what he was thinking ? Or maybe he wasn't at all ? Haha. I can't describe it here, I'll end making it sound unfunny. I have to laugh when I come to school it just has to happen, it's synchronised in my giggle bag. What the hell is a giggle bag ? LOL

All in all the conclusion is, from everything that I've put up here, I've learned and realised something the best things in life are PRICELESS. Without a doubt.

2008-07-20T20:00:00.003+08:00

y'know having cravings for someone physically like me, is never a good thing. just what do i have to do to lose it. ugh. i've been craving like craazzyy lately. now, i'm craving for ljs. i kinda miss having tuesdays morning rev-ups, at least that keeps me fit and toned unlike now, it's all loose and jello. i would try to go to the gym but please me. there. working out ? lemme tell ya, ain't gonna happen. and furthurmore save the embarassment for someone else, ithink i'll get mocked and teased. should prolly try and get a treadmill - i miss running. lol!

whatever, another matter now. sometimes i get the feeling that someone just loves to belittle me, just cos' what i have that person have better or more. well, yeah physically that person's somewhat much more good-looking. hey, don't get me wrong i'm merely putting this down, i'm not jealous, i'm not the kind. seriously. i'm just saying, so you know you're better than me you need not remind me of that by small little remarks you have. i won't say i'm not annoyed by it, i am. as a friend it hurts, i know where i stand and if you think you're better than me, be that way but i know you're not. cos' i know people who rocks harder. lol(:

again, just merely putting this down. don't take it to heart.

2008-07-18T20:57:00.007+08:00

this is going to be reaallly random !

i'm feel so elated and lazy(heh) these past few days, i guess i got alot of things off my chest which has been weighing me down everysingle day. i learnt alot this past six months, good things and bad things - learn from them not do them(mind you) from past experiences, from other peers even from songs ! i found myself, it was not lost it was inside hiding and it came out. i may have some pet peeves that ugs me. but people aren't perfect, so i shan't be short-tempered whenever they do the thing they do that ugs me.

it's also easy to misunderstand acts and intentions, you think he's out to fool you or .. i hate to say this, use you to forget about someone. instantly, you think he's so selfish, he's only thinking bout' himself not sparing your feelings cos' words sometimes don't mean any thing because they may just be pretense. it's easy to judge but never easy to hear the truth, and once you know it and realised you've wrong someone, you hate yourself and ultimately embarassed cos' you were jumping to conclusions.

i admit i was the person who jumped to conclusions and i'm ashamed at myself. i know for a fact the decision he made was hard but still thinking about me somewhere along the line. he let me go cos' he don't want me hurt(so i've heard), when i really actually fall in love with him. he's still waiting for that special person who made a bang in his life and i'll be doomed to spoil it. i don't want to be that person. & i didn't realise this break-up made sucha major vavavoom. almost everyone who knows him has something to say. it's good that i heard something, or else i'll be stuck with a bad impression on him forever. i hope we can talk and become friends or maybe bestfriends that'll be like friggin' awesome. again, having wishful thinking.

taa !<3

2008-07-18T08:42:00.003+08:00

i especially love Maknae's expression. Priceless !

on other things not regarding BB, basically .. i woke up late(as always) i actually showered already, but i felt too darn lazy to get about, cos' i know the buses and trains are gonna be super pack if i go out this late, the reason i dread to go to school when i wake up late. yeah, i know it's just excuses for waking up late but at least i don't deny it.

i did go to school yesterday, we went to URA and some hospital construction site. the place wasn't any fun but still interesting to see the model of tiny Singapore. i bet those who did them took alot of time. i would've taken pictures but um, i don't know why i didn't. heh. but still, after two days of missing school, i was glad to be back, they started cracking jokes and teasings(usually, bout' me) but being a good sport about it(self-proclaim, lol) i joined the laughs and i ended up laughing louder than the rest, maybe not louder just uncontrollable laughters, it's hard for me to stop laughing.

everything ended at 3, went somewhere around the area blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblahblahblahblah, right enough of blahs already & we went home.

2008-07-16T12:44:00.002+08:00

these two days have been quite pleasant, i don't feel nauseated anymore. lol

but i'm bored.at.home. with nothing to do, i'll be back to school tomorrow.

there's some big news !

Breaking Dawn is out in bookstores on August 4th ! there's no better timing than this, this would be perfect for a birthday present *hinthint* i don't know whether i should pre-order this. i can't wait this long ! and i also want the JonasBrothers CD. how shameful of me. tsk. look at me my birthday isn't around the corner yet and i'm already talking about what i want for a present. tsktsktsktsk.

2008-07-15T14:49:00.002+08:00

i had to skip school today, i had fever and the headache is killing me. surprisingly, when we reached the clinic we're the first one there and in no time people start to come in. after that, mom ane me bought breakfast, reached home and ate something and then had my meds. i hate taking them after that i had an hour and a half nap which feels longer than its supposed to be, woke up and felt muchmuch better but no, i had a pukefest just now all of what i ate in then morning - gross.

in other non-sicky news, we're officially over. today would've been our two month. the number fifteen has a lot memories for me. but it's strange, that the person i thought i didn't love, i took much longer to get over him and move on but the person i thought i love took so little time, infact it was too easy. call me heartless.

another time

2008-07-11T19:55:00.002+08:00

one week of school passed just like that, many of the days were cut short, thankfully. simple reason was i was still in the holiday mood. im not a fan of long school breaks, things change, people change - maybe they haven't but you just haven't seen them or spoke to them for a veryy long time so you just simply forget who they are. dumb reason i know. i just don't know what's happening now, between us, i have a feeling he's avoiding me, yeah he is. i just don't know what's the problem, we haven't been talking for a long time, i don't even see his face in school, how is that ? it seems impossible, apparently it is, it's the fact and the truth.

i've heard things from people, my classmates, they aren't really the things you wanna hear about your - see i don't know why i can't say that word to describe him.

i don't know what i should do now, pretend like things never happened ? those feeling i had be ignored ? or just wait and hopes he'll come around ? ugh, wait. i hate waiting especially for somoething that's not certain. or go off silent ?

i don't know why i'm complaining, isn't this what i wanted or imagined that it would happen this way. i know i shouldn't be.

i've had dreams, bad ones and unexpected ones, there's a high probability that it might never happen, but there's a reason for them. i sometime think dreams are like a glimpse of the future, i'm not sayign this cos' someone said it to me, because it happened to me before. i just hope the dreams that i saw won't be as 'real' as my reality is going to be.

i'm cracking my brain thinking bout' this. ugh. wherever my fate takes me, i'll just go with it. i know i have a choice. i'll just accept things as they are.

2008-07-08T19:27:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna do this real quick. right , so i found out what my gpa is , i got like 2.5. yeah, that's not a good thing , i know. but i half-expected that i'd get 2 and below , so it's a real shocker for me really , but still thankful.

well , i know very well that i gotta buck up and pull up my socks , if i want to go somewhere in life. if i have this kind of grade by the end of my course , no comopany would want me.

about other matters not related to school .. what i shall just say is , that was a really mean thing to do & why must you test me ? you obviously have not trust me yet. yes , it takes time , i understand totally. but that was the meanest thing that anyone has done to me , even tho' it's just an act or a prank - whatever you think it was.

& that got me thinking , it might just be possible that you would actually do that to me. i believed it , i thought it was for real.

2008-07-07T11:45:00.002+08:00

i had the runs earlier this morning , that's never a good thing. Puts me in a foul mood & i'm feeling really weak. I've got no mood for anything & keeping to myself.

I wasn't informed that we're supposed to be in school at 10, i diligently wake up early so that i won't want to rush , surprisingly , the time went real slow when I was changing. Amen to that.
Gahh, i'll update much more later.

"I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me,

take care of my heart - i left it with you." -Eclipse

2008-07-06T20:27:00.003+08:00

school starts tmr, which i am so not looking forward to, i know i've been saying i'd rather be at school all thru this holiday, but i hate it now. gahh.

they're hiding smtg from me i know it, there's smtg to tell but they either won't or can't. Whatever it is i'm going to find out, cos' i think it has smtg to do with me. Call me paranoid but i don't care.

i'm almost half way there to finish the book(eclipse). it bothers me that i'll prolly finish before the week ends. schucks. i was hoping my morning train rides to be spent reading my book. just find another book then. haha. yeah right. mom's short of cash bcos of Billy's surgery cost, he's fine now, i think. But giving that cat his medicine is a torture i tell you.

nothing to say no more, i'm going to ponder.

2008-07-04T21:46:00.002+08:00

now, i actually have something to rant about. mom treats me like i'm her delivery girl or something like that & asking me to run errands. i mean i totally don't mind doing it once in a while but too often. na-uh. it's understood that she's busy with work & that's really the reason why i should help. i just don't see why she can't ask someone else to do it. it bugs the fuck outta me.

whatever, i don't want to think about this too much. i was in a foul mood to grans, which i shouldn't have done, cos' i felt horribla after. Adults just have this power, once you shout at them or raised your voice and sound brusque, whatever it is. After a second of that, you immediately feel guilty and regretted what you said, almost wanting to apologise. i keep reminding myself, karma.

man, i'm going to be miserable when i have teenagers. hah, yeah right.

taa.

2008-07-02T21:00:00.002+08:00

this movie is awesome !& with the Jonas Brothers in it makes it Rockatastic ! lol. kay, i know this is like my third post in the last 3 hours, it's the first time in a veryy lonngg time that i'm on the computer this long.

Joe's in blue ! Whatever totally out of the topic. Like I seriously don't know what's wrong with me, i'm so happy so suddenly. whatever the reason is i'm loving it, seriously, i've never felt so happy for a long time & not because of these boys, well partly and i think i don't need a reason to be happy. omg, i feel like im on cloud nine. omg, i don't sound me.

whatever, am so not making sense now, i think it's the heat.

taa !

2008-07-02T18:29:00.002+08:00

Ahh ! I just cannot not put this here, it's too adorable !

These boys are prolly the cause for Global warming.

LOL

2008-07-02T18:01:00.003+08:00

this morn' I had a trip to the Vet's, my Billy.B is sick. They weren't kidding about the waiting time, it took exactly 2 hours to see the Vet since we registered. Billy's condition is pretty serious, he's going for surgery. I pray everything will be smooth sailing.

Amen.

thanfully for the trip to the Vet's, I killed half of the day. I got something to do, seriously, I could go crazy sitting at home all day long, channel surfing.

School ! I can't wait for it.'

Things to do before school starts :

1) Buy a book, preferably, Eclipse. But after buying Eclipse I feel like it's not complete without New Moon. But I read that book already, it's just a waste of money to buy a book you've read. Ehh, forget it.

2) Get a haircut

3)Save money

I heard Homecoming is on July 12th, I really don't know whether I should go. I mean I really want to, I haven't seen most of them for a very loooonnngg time, so this is great time to catch up. I haven't even apply for it whatever they said I should do so that I can go to the Homecoming.

emm . . plus, I don't have anything to wear. Outdated wardrobe, I would go shopping with GSS going on and everything, what better timing. But after the cost for Billy.B's surgery, I doubt mom can make ends meet or go shopping for that matter.

I seriously need to find a job( I keep saying that but nothing really happens, fucking lazy bump!)

till anotha' time:)

2008-06-26T21:21:00.003+08:00

kay, i've got nothing to update bout' so maybe this just might kill my time.

look at that boy, he is sooooo fine, gahh ! i'm melting. he would be perfect to be edward cullen but i just found out that robert pattison is the official Edward Cullen. He's still good-looking, i ain't complainin'. Heh. I can't wait for the movie to premier here, i heard it's coming out at the end of the year. Don't know it it's right.

nothing more to talk about already,

till another time.

2008-06-25T13:34:00.003+08:00

i would've been somewhere else now, not here at home. With really nothing better to do that this.

holdiays are so frustrating, honestly, i'd rather be at school.

i'm so pissed right now, pissssssssssssssssssssssseddd !

Miss Pisssy PMS.

i would really want to be somewhere else now. i should've be out meeting them but i don't know why i said no, other than the reason being, i just woke up at 11.30 am. hah. half the day went by just like that & in no time i'd be watching Veronica Mars.

this morning was prolly the reason why i'm in a baddd mood. woken up by the cries from my kid brother who refused to go to school, hid under the bed and cried - correction, wailed. he got some of my traits. lol. I remembered i used to do that when I was small. yeah. whatever, i just don't want to be here.

& that dream, there's prolly a meaning to it(:

2008-06-18T23:08:00.002+08:00

feeling rather pissy these few days, for whatever hell the reason is, usually, i would say it's that time of month. but my time is always late & i think i may know the reason behind it.

cooking makes you sweat(duh)

so it's a good thing for me!

hah

i'm prolly meeting them on friday & a very last minute meet-up w/ risz and saddam at the library. don't know whether it's confirmed or not, it's been a long time since i last read a good book, hopefully i would get to read eclipse, it's so hard for me to get my hands on that book.

till another time then(:

2008-06-17T22:23:00.002+08:00

give me a holiday to remember

apart from that i desperately need a change in my life

<33

give me one more chance to make things right

2008-06-14T23:36:00.006+08:00

it's only less than a half hour, these thoughts keep popping up in my mind like pop-ups(duh).

it's annoying but the very same time, true - only, about the thoughts not the pop-ups.

I know well enough that I shouldn't be having these. Love ? I don't think I felt it just yet.

And amidst of all these, I remebered about that guy, when I was in secondary two. I never replied his text. I've been feeling terrible eversince. So you, if you know me or if you know that I am referring to you - you, the guy who text-ed me. Yes, this is meant for you:

I'm sorry. I know how it feels like to be left hanging just like that. Karma(again)

Haha.

i'm sure, that there a 99.9% chance of him reading this - some sort of apology. But still ..

2008-06-13T20:33:00.003+08:00

Having to miss someone, takes more patience than I thought.

I didn't realise it, until she said it. I never questioned anything, not because I never bothered. Because I thought I had to trust instead of doubt. That's what I think I should do. No matter how much I say that I don't want to think about it, I still do. I tend to really ponder over really unnecessary things. I know I shouldn't do. But, the voice in my head tells me this: It's karma, ~~bitch~~. Lol.

The trip was quite enjoyable, kinda thought it may be otherwise.

Till anotha time.

2008-06-10T17:11:00.002+08:00

kungfu panda, yeasterday. Even tho' the movie was short, it was still worth it. I was laughing all the way through the whole movie. I especially love the part when Po was mimicking Shifu and he puts the bowl on his chest. LOL !

i think it's all I'm gonna do this week. I can't go out too often, my mom will get suspicious and I I think my dad knows as well. thanks ah mom.

and, I bumped into an old primary school friend. it's nice to see people from my past, get all excited when they haven't seen you for a long time. i wished more of my friends were like her.
i forgot again, what to say.

2008-06-05T07:20:00.002+08:00

So yes, hols are here and boredom strikes me. I never know what to do around here - well, exp for chores, which I hate to do, not really hate just depends on my mood. Well, I think since there's nothing better to do .. I might as well just to that. Having a lot of freetime kinda makes me want to study, learn something - I don't sound me at all.(lol) I guess boredom changes your minset. HAHAHAHAHA !

Now I wish I joined the others to the Melacca trip. Regret. Even tho it's just Melacca. At the very least, it's much better than my home. With just television for entertainment, with only less than 10 channels. I miss my cable TV:'(

Need to do list:
Rent DVDs.

I want to say something. But I can't say here.

2008-06-01T11:15:00.002+08:00

One more exam to go and everything is over and done with and holidays start. I just wonder what to do during the 5 week holidays. Idk why it feels different, even three weeks felt too long. When it was during secondary school, it's never enough. Doesn't even feel like a holiday. Maybe cause' you still need to come down to sch for remedial lessons.

Here's the update:

I gotta keep things cool now. On the low-profile. Cause' it feels like everyone knows now. My mom, everyone. Ugh. I hate it, when I get so predictable or very obvious. I gotta learn how to lie. Imma bad liar.

Plans:

Monday - Last and final theory exam.
Tuesday - Holiday starts.
Wednesday - No idea what to do.
Thursday - Go with the flow ? Whatever last minute thing comes up.
Friday - East Coast babybeh ! Overnight. Night cycling etc.

I won't hesitate no more, no more
I cannot wait I'm sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours - very random.

2008-05-25T15:45:00.002+08:00

I caught Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull yesterday, with Risz and her realtives. The movie was funny, very witty too. Shia LaBeouf is so effing cute. He looked so hot when he was on the bike, finding Jonsey(lol). What a shocker. He turned out to be the father. Kinda expected. But the ending don't really make sense tho'. Should kinda expect a UFO is gonna appear in the end. It's a total giveaway, since the skull kinda look like Alien's head from AvP. I shouldn't be spoiling for those who haven't watched it yet. Sorry.

More to watch: KungFuPanda, PromNight, What happens in Vegas, Made of Honour:D

Otw, back. I bumped into Bran. Man, I still remember clearly how we first got to know each other. Had small talk and everything. I'm tired and sick to say anything.

For today, is just slacking at home. And I should be using this time to actually revise for my exam tomorrow. Tsktsk. Haha. I shall do it, when I feel like it. Haha. Prolly, going to the doc's before school. If mommy has money.*rollseyes*

Till next time.

2008-05-24T08:17:00.002+08:00

I'm frustrated. I never get anything these days. Be it, my preciousmonkey or school. Only for that one day. I understood what teacher was actually talking about and I came to realise it wasn't that difficult to actually understand the theory. I have absolutely lost hope on my drawings, not to mention, that fuckingAutoCad. Like seriously. I don't understand what that siren is yapping about - correction, screaming about. I think she wants to burst our eardrums. Whateve'. Next monday is already my AutoCad exam. I'm like totally clueless. I have no friggin' clue what to do. Seriously. Fuck. I'm fucking pissed with everyone right now. Including myself. I'm so different I don't even know who I am anymore. UGHHH !
And this fucking flu. Is bloody annoying.

And this, this is for you to read. You know who you are.

Bloody hell. I'm not acting like I'm blaming you for anything. I'm not acting like it's your fault. I don't know how to be anymore. You've been so absent so many times, I forgot who you are already. If you think that's a foolish reason. Be that way. All those days, you were fucking late to school. Those days, that you never came. I waited for you to come. And I get fucking mad at you, only that I never showed it. And I'm mad at myself for actually caring, because I shouldn't be doing that, just because you don't take anything seriously. You're the one who should be concerned with your studies and your life, first. I'm glad that you've found your new found friends, who made you study and work hard. You can tell this to your new friends or not. I don't give a fuck. Pardon, my harsh language.

And for the record, I do miss those days we had after school-outings. Laughing our arses off in public like no one's around. I don't know how you'll take this in. As long as you do. And you know what I mean.

2008-05-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

These past few weeks, I did everything on impulse. I don't think twice bout' decisions which need to be though over more. The outcome of whatever decisions I make, may come to be the best, some are just filled with major heavy regret. All I have, taken away in a snap. It's sucha tiring thing to prevent yourself from hurt everyday. Doing everything safe. Not wanting someone to see your vulnerability, so that they know how to crush you at the most horrifying way that can leave a deep mark. That's what I'm afraid of.

I hated my past. I don't want it coming back, creeping back to my life. Cause I want to leave it where I left it. The past is supposed to be buried and not resurface. But, my past have significant moments that I can never forget - good ones and the hurtful ones. But they're still memories that I should treasure, not because I have to because I want to. I feel like a hypocrite right now. I don't understand myself.

2008-05-17T11:11:00.002+08:00

I caught Ironman with the guys ystd evening. It's alright, I guess. I slept for the first 10 minutes, lol. I almost had a dream with him in it. ThankGod I didn't talk in my sleep. That'll be hilarious. The people's focus will be redirected to me instead. After that we went home my mom was already calling me to go home. And my mom knew I was home late from school the previous day, I wonder how she knew. Prolly, my kid brothers being a snitch. I don't have anything to say any furthur. I had alot on my mind but em, I forgot what it is that I wanted to say.

2008-05-15T01:30:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I can't uplooad my photos. Damn !

I was bloghopping and I saw this link it was about the furfarm in China. Seriously, I saw one of the videos I didn't even finish a quarter of it. It was just too brutal and really too saddening. At the same time I'm soo angry. I'm sitting here and maybe that is actually happening right now. It's really sad. They skin those helpless animals alive. Fuckyou heartless people. Seriously, so skin you dicks la and see how it feels. Bloody hell ! Seriously. I've got one thing to say karma !

2008-05-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

I thank god for blessing me with people that cares and loves me. They're godsend. I love them with every ounce of my heart-maybe even more. If any of them were to leave. I don't know what I'd do. I'll be helpless. I love you, friends. The best thing that ever happened to me eversince I was brought to earth. I appreciate, everything they did. They put up with my crap, my pissy attitude, my frequent moodswings - my everthing. They've been patient. Very patient. Forgive me if I have offended you guys in any way at all. You guys are the reason I come to school for. God, please don't let this be forever. Thankyou.

2008-05-14T23:37:00.002+08:00

My life has been on a rocky road eversince .. I just can't figure things out when it is my situation. But if it's not mine, boy I analyse it like Imma freaking expert at relationships. I'm like totally clueless when it's comes to my story. I didn't realise anything until my friend opened my eyes to reality to tell me what was going on. I'm so absent-minded nowadays.

In other very random news. My period came two days ago. I don't know why I'm saying this here. Seriously, I think it's deprivation of sleep. (yawns) Now, I get it why my period is irregular. Cause, Imma pissy bitch during those bloody days. I get so high for really no apparent reason. Then the next moment, I get mad about the slightest thing. So boys, if you think you major moodswings are just so annoying and that you can never figure it out. Well, we can't too. We don't know why it happens. It just is that way.

Talking about PMS. During theory lesson just now. I was sleeping for one and a half hour from the two hour class. I am so gonna flunk this semester's exam. So back to what I was about to say. Teacher was going through questions when I was asleep. Oh yea, so suddenly I woke up. My eyes flew open, and I felt so hyped up. I raised my hand up and said I wanted to answer the question. I didn't know what made me do that. Seriously, I don't get me when I'm having my days. My, only girl malay chingu in my class, told me that when I woke up suddenly, screaming that I wanted to answer the question. Everyone looked at me. They thought I was dreaming. LOL. And I don't know why I feel like laughing right now. Aisyah going bitcha over ~~somebody.~~ Oops, I slipped it out. Haha

I miss my cutemonkey. I didn't see him today:'(
I met up with Risz, my makan kaki and my BB fanatic fan.(she's a much more bigger fan than I am) Cause, I got otha obsessions. Hah. No. I'm seriously, not making any sense. I'm a babbling fool. So, I met her at the school stadium. I was actually accompanying chingu there. She wants to meet her baby. Risz has a really huge textbook. The biggest I've ever seen. LOL. It beats the humongous dictionary. LOL And she finally saw the pic. Ok la, I'll stop now. Na-night.

Till anotha time.

2008-05-08T21:24:00.003+08:00

Somebody snapped this with my phone. I don't know who. I think I really have to go for cheek reduction. HAHAHAHAHA ! But whatever I was high in class also, not being very anti-social.

I haven't been updating quite frequently. But these past few days, have been wonderful. Really wonderful. Wah ! High ah ! What I want to say I can't say here. Private, private.

But I don't know what's wrong with me just now. I was fucking high. Seriously. I really needed to go to the toilet to do you know what. Just to tahan my taik I was dancing crazily, and annoying my cats. Bahaha ! Now, you felines know how I feel. When I finally released it, wah. What a beladi relieve. Bahaha. See I'm even talking like this. I never talk like this on blog before.

You know what I shall do now. I shall pour everything out to my personal diary. I think I'm gonnna take three pages. Mostly, consisiting of: AHHHHHHHHHHH ! OMG !!

And anything that has the same meaning. Bluek;p

Till another time.

2008-04-24T10:11:00.002+08:00

I absofreakinlutely lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove rainy days. It's so calming - before&after. And also during. OK, am I making sense. Do you get me ? Going bitcha here. Again, thank you GOD for this ever so lovely rain. Talking about Rain. Rain is in Speedracer. Yessah. It's been a long time since I last heard from him. Am waiting pateintly for Full House 2. I'm not quite sure if the cast remains the same. I hope it remains the same. I really hate sequels with differetn characters than the last. Princess Hours 2 sequel is defintely not having a sequel. Bummer. I was really looking forward to it.

Last weekend, Saturday to be exact. I went to my cousin's school carnival. The carnival is muchmuchmuchmuch more bigger than Westwood's one. It's like only one parade square. What's the big whoop bout that ? Ok back to the subject. They have alot of food stalls. Of course for a food-lover. I wanted to try everything there, but I have to know my own limits. I think I went over my limits that day. I bought and ate alot of food. One of the many is Kimbap. It was absolutely delicious. I personally prefer Kimbap than Sushi itself. But Sushi isn't so bad. The best part about it, is that there's like Bouncy Castle and a mini Bungee-Jumping thingy. It's not really Bungee-Junping. It's like you jump on thr trampoline and there's a harnest, so that you jump higher when w/o the harnest. I am so babbling. English getting worse. tsk. I would've went the Bouncy Castle but, someone my size, one jump on the Bouncy Castle, all air inside will escape. Too much pressure. LOL.

And after all that, as usual I headed off to G-ma's place. I think I'm gonna try yo get a job at either Bodyshop or Faceshop. If all that fails, I was thinking maybe, Comics Connection. Haha. Won't that be fun. Haha.

Hot guys won't do any good for my hormones. HAHAHAHAHA LOL !

2008-04-16T13:29:00.002+08:00

Nevermind. Today's post shall be blank. Course, now its already not. Haha. Yeah whatever.

2008-04-15T08:33:00.002+08:00

School started yesterday. Basically, I wasn't in the study-mood yet. When I should very well be. I know I should start to be serious in this course. And it bugs me that I keep saying this phrase over and over agian, like a broken record. I HATE it. But then again I'm doing nothing about it - another predictable phrase -.-

I should give up on boys, I think I already have, either that or its still in its processing. Deleting boys from my ssytem. I guess karma is getting back at me, big time. But still, doesn't necessarily mean that if I'm giving up on boys, I don't like them anymore. Hey, I'm still a teenage girl:p

2008-04-11T10:14:00.005+08:00

Ain't it just adorable, animated Tae Yang. Not to brag or anything - it's handsewn, every little detail. Not that I did a pretty good job. It looks so much like amateur sewn. There's more love that way. At least that what me and Risz think.

See that HelloKitty lamp. I've been eyeing that thing since the first time I saw. It costs a whooping 70 buckeroos. Well, its supposed to be cause its Oringinal. Brought here directly from Japan. And there's this other thing, small HK drawer, its 50 bucks. I want both but I can't have it :'(

The dessert that I was talking about. Scrumtious isn't it ? Saw this same dessert on Sweets for my Sweet.

Last two days, accompanied Risz to Causeway to buy her bag and shoe. She found it and she was so high that time. I also reserved a bag. Hah. My mom is so gonna scream at me. Lol. And that day too, we ate dinner at Breeks Cafe. We thought of trying it out. Our money was not wasterd. It's a worth dining there. The food is simply delicious. The dessert was doubly goooood. But I can't finish it, it was too choclatey for me. Any more bites, I think I might puke, right there.

Yesterday saw some people from the past, which is like very unexpected. Shocked, but it didn't show on my face, which is a good thing. Usually, in sitch like this, I sttutter like crazy - ok, maybe not crazy. That may seemed too over the top don't it. Haha. Oh and I think I've gained massive weight. I said I think because, I don't know really how much I weigh. I frogot the last time I stood on the weighing scale. But my mom says it's a good thing that she threw it away, she says I can get obsessive. Every once in a while I check my weight. Lol. Add a comment to that, she thinks I need phsychiatric help. Whatever la mom.

2008-04-04T12:11:00.002+08:00

Alright, I can finally use the internet on my comp. Mental Block. Forgot what to say. The patchwork is coming out great. Thank to us. Much time and effort was needed. Hols is most definitely coming to an end. Some events that has happened:

Risz B'dae / Sabo day.

It was all the freakishly tall and very vain guy's idea. And the stuff he puts in the water is really nasty. Disgusting for that matter. Risziana wanted to get back at him and I did it for her. A whole tub of tiramisu ice-cream on his face and into his nosetrils. LOLOLOLOL ! It wasn't my b'dae and I got sabo-ed too. LOL. The smell of whipped potato and tiramisu ice-cream don't go well. I puked right there. LOL. How I wished I could puke at that bloody tall guy's face. Bummer. We cleaned ourselves in the library toilet. Never invite that freakishly tall guy to your b'dae. And if he planned it, I'm gg to hide out for the rest of that week. LOL. Just to be sure.

Okay nothing else.

2008-03-30T15:06:00.002+08:00

I haven't been blogging for a very long time, well obviously. You know the reason. Well, one week passed. I did almost nothing, I was just sitting at home most of the time. Went out with Feeza the other day. We went shopping, no the term 'we' is not correct - she went shopping I did not. My pocket's dry. It's strange how you can finish your cash in a very short amount of time.

Takling about cash and money. Prices of everything are at a riduculous high. I'm not being overly dramtic here. It's true. If prices keep on risin' I think I might've to take the option to starve myself. But I must say that is not a very bad option for me at the very least.

Me: I have to lose weight if not I'm gonna need new clothes.

Mom: Is that a trick for you to get me to give you money to go shopping? (Honestly, my mom misinterpret the sentence I said. I was just complaining to her how fat I am)

Ha (pause) ha.

And to furthur torture my everyday. My tv is busteedd so is my internet on my better looking and better functioning comp. Oh, so so so boredd - uhh.

The weather isn't helping mucch either. In the morning it's friggin' not and in the afternoon it rains and even if it rains it still feels humid. But still, I thank god for the rain:D

Ohh and that day I watched the BB Live concert dvd. OH man the performance was so hot so is the pictures. One a pic of TY - his muscles oh(pause)my(pause)god (screech) !!
And the part when Sr pulled up his shirt to show his body(couldn't see much abs - but I still love him) Ahh, my heart is beating fast just talking about him. JY couldn't look anymore cuter in his outfit during the first performance in the gold sequin jacket(i think) I think only him(JY) can pull off the mangkuk look so well. My kid brother got one too. LOL.
Everyone looked good and they always will !

I shall stop bloggin for now.

2008-03-23T15:22:00.002+08:00

3 weeks hols is like finally here ! But I so don't know what to do with this time. *Sigh* Have to find a job but don't know where to start. Currently at my cousin's place. Thanks to my internet at home, I can no longer use it. kay, I no longer want to blog. Forgot what I wanted to say.