ahh, finally after the crunch time. I can sleep properly now. I was so tired and I wasn't myself sometimes. Everything is done, I'm only left with studying for my exams on tuesday, thursday and friday. No confindence in anyone of those -nada.

I slept for 17 hours ! From 8 to 10 this morning, amazing. I spent more than half a day snoozing.

lol

that's all for now, later.

the reason for the many empty posts, are because, basically, I've got nothing to say, nothing much happened it's the same ol' same ol'. heh.

just so you know, I'm bored.

It's past midnight and I'm still awake, hopelessly hoping that this will actually make me tired. I think it's prolly bcos of the intense coffee I had earlier. I made a vow to myself not to drink caffeine more than once a week, but yeah, I broke it - typical. why am I talking bout' this ? deprivation of sleep, most definitely. I should prolly not go to sleep at all cos' if I do I know I'm gonna wake up late, knowing myself oh so very well. I'm never punctual, I'm either too late or wayy too early. Heh.

lemme, think. what shall I talk aimlessly about. so I've been watching 1 litre of tears, I need a box of kleenex ready before I start watching that drama, it touches you right there at your heart. It's for people -well, duh ? basically, if you feel like crying for no obvious reason, watch it and boy will you cry. omg I seriously need to sleep. but I can't. damn you coffee !

there's school tomorow, well not tomorow, later in the morning infact. I dread for later in the morning infact. there's P.E before lunch. I hate P.E, ugh ! I'm going to cry my eyeballs out now, I'm bored.

Later

yesterday was national day, things never go as planned when the driver is my uncle. right, so before everything else happened, my aunt bought me a very adorable Hello Kitty cake to celebrate my belated birthday, it wasn't anything big but it's alright, at least I was remebered by some people. I'm having the same pathetic fate as I did years ago, I said to myself I won't forget the people that I leave behind, but it seems they did forget about me, so then I won't sit around brooding bout' it and cherish those who remembers me. yup, that's what I wanted to say.

so we headed off to east coast, there were parking lots for us to park, but for some not-so-obvious reason my uncle didn't. so he actually drove from carpark C to E until it suddenly rained heavily so most of us were on the pickup truck, we got terribly wet and forced to go out and take shelter at the nearest toilet. so we decided to just go home since it's already raining. here's the funny part, we didn't want any of the food to get wet so we ate on the moving pick-up truck, there were only a small shelter, the little kids were in it, we were outside, so I held a brolly and we ate under there only heads in that was the first time eating in a condition like that on a moving pick-up truck. so it's not so funny after all just maybe, sad.

I'll forward >>

so we had ice-cream on a cold rain day, we were already wet and cold and still ate ice-cream. yeh-.- we wanted to watch the fireworks, by the time we're on the way there it was almost dawn. so, we were wet and bored, they decided to wave to the people in the vehicles, I just joined in but they did most of the waving, screams and cheers for no apparent reason. There were some sporting ones, some not so. some just smiled. so we stopped, idk where and and watched the black knights for awhile until the traffic police told us to move.

here's the best part, we pointed to some random direction and pretend to look amaze to see whether the drivers were gullible enough to fall for it and there were some who actually were. LMAO ! waving to strangers is fun. hah.

after all that I went home. -.-

I would want to say more but I don't want to.

happy seventeenth birthday to me !

birthday wishes are much more better than birthday presents, for me. mom greeted me happy birthday in her half-asleep tone, it felt half-hearted like being forced. whatever.

I wanna skip the traumatic part, I feel sorry for Lester's eye tho' haha. Forward, I got flour-ed ! and cake ! mmm, yummyyummy. I was having a blast until I got this message from that asshole I don't feel bad curshing him now, because my hatred is raw right now. seriously, he just has to make my day go bad. seriously, I don't get how you could manage to have an insult an a word of emotion put together in one text message. you're so heartless, dickhead ! and I mean that.

to this day, It's the best I had so far to be remembered meant alot to me. but somehow, deep down inside I'm still not happy, just because the people I care about in the past and still do don't remember my birthday at all, and it's a sucky feeling. I wanna cry but I don't wanna ruin the day, I guess I expected too much from them. what I learnt is don't expect anything that's the only way you won't get any disappointments.

okayy, i'm definitely not getting my Breaking Dawn book. *heavyheavysigh*

this sucks, I was soo looking forward to it for my seventeenth birthday gift from Mom.

It's August 4th and I haven't got my book yet. it's killing me knowing that day by day people's going to buy the book and it'll be out of stock by the time I get to buy it. I sooo do not want that to happen, mommy I want that book so baddllyy ! I should've pre-oredered it. Gahh !

honestly, right now. I've got nothing else to say, because my mind is totally blank; empty. I'm being a momentary airhead now. lol. It's time for Prison Break, but I don't feel like watching it, just because I know there's an encore on saturday which is also on contry's birthday, two days before is my birhtday. which, states that I'm turning Seventeen a year older, I just hope I don't look older. haha.

I swear, I was totally absent-minded the whole day through, I get distracted easily, and I can't focus on one thing, it's too easy for my to avert my gaze to something else and till this day, I still have not yet bought my test books & bus rides from Boonlay to Bedok is a pain in the ass, litetrally ! I almost got bus-sickness.

whatever, I'm talking crap now.

I'm afraid of eternity; the word forever.

I'm afraid to die and at the same time afraid to live knowing that I'll die someday, I know that's the cycle of life.

I'm not afraid of life, I'm afraid of what happens after.

The word forever brings chills through my spine

How can heaven be forever ?

Won't the inhabitants of heaven get sick of it ? cos' it never ends.

I guess I'm so used to things ending that I can't handle forever, but in earth you can't have forever. so why do dictionaries even have this word ?

Breaking Dawn is less than two days away ! I've been waiting for this since, I knew about it -.- heh. k, I just hope I get the book as a birthday present, it's the perfect timing, my birthday is just 3 days after Breaking Dawn is out in stores ! It'll be a perfect present. I think I'd have to suck up to Mom, haha.

Hey Milo(Ventimiglia), you're so hot I burned my tounge. LOLLLL ! That was so lame and very random, and one of the many inside jokes from secondary school. *sigh* surprisingly, I miss those days, I think it's the best years of my teenage life - when you start to have serious crushing, major boy drama, think you're in love -.- (i know, very lame), rebellion starts kicking in, detention, after-school hangout at the cafeteria, manymany laugh-out-loud(s), crying in the cafeteria(boy, do i regret that happened, it's was too sad, I'm so ashamed I don't want to admit it was me, y'know), CCA drills, marching, BFF issues, catfights, the laughing gas that always kicks in during geography lessons, my being made fun of by you know who, (I always get teased, I thought it'll stop but it got worse, I always ask myself why ? Is my face funny ?) regrets made, memories made - it all came from the same place, OHH ! black forest, haha. I wonder if she's still around, oh! I dreaded the first P.E lessons after every holiday, you have to take you height and weight !(traumatizing y'know), Dnt lessons with Mr.Amin, jealousy, teen angst - anything and everything ! I miss those days, but I don't want it back. It'll be real cool if you can see yourself in the past like y'know in a movie about your past life.

till another time<3

some things are best to remain secret.

some feelings are better left hidden and not voiced out.

denial is what I'm best at.

lying is what I'm good at.

so what ? I don't care so why should anyone ?

even after everything said, I'm still me - no change, nada.

If I tell someone, that most of the time I'm telling the truth, who would believe me ?

I'm a liar, everyone is.

sometimes, the truth may seem like a lie and the lie may seem otherwise.

so who do you believe ? except yourself.

yes, I have trust issues, it's hard.

that's what I can say.