It's been two and a half years since I had my last relationship. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I don't even have someone that I like. One of my friends actually question my sexual orientation. The fact is I don't even know why, I don't know a lot of things - there's only one thing I know - I'm so straight I could be a ruler. Not literally, like duh -.-

That was my lame attempt at a joke. Bear with me.

But why is it?

I guess someone will answer me or I would prolly find the answer.

Goodnight cyberworld.

I am stupid beyond comprehension. I don't know what I just did.

Crap, I just ruined my last hope of a better future.

I am currently listening to songs of singers whose name starts with a J. (Just a random fact, just a conincidence.)

Justin Nozuka's songs are awesome. You should try listening to his tunes. I like Golden Train<3

Now that I think about it ... The subject arose from today's train convo. I don't thinkI have a fear that's phsically related.
Maybe I do have fears but only when it comes to the affairs of the heart. Do I feel really secure or just plain ignorant about everything.

I know, I'm strange - I'm afraid of roller coaster rides but I want to be on one. Because when you're on the rides you feel a strange sense of release. I'd be terrified queing for it and waiting for it but when you're on it and deciding not to back out, the feeling of terror is replaced with exhilaration.

And why am I suddenly talking about roller coaster rides ? Because the breifing that I had earlier got me pumped up and my heart beating fast for the job in the Integrated Resort. At first, I just wanted a job. Now, I really want this job. The perks are like play and you get paid to smile and just be happy. Under the hot sun and you'd be sweating and might have to carry heavy loads but it's freaking Sentosa !

okay, so here's the update on the ultimate slacker. She is still jobless. It's been what ? A month and a half ? Going to two. I need to find a job. One that pays alot. I don't want to talk about this makes me depressed.

I've never really got used to the fact that I'm still jobless when I'm not supposed to be. Part of me regrets quitting the cubicle job I have. But another part of me just wants to relax at home for a while and take a breather. I guess I'm set for work after a week of break. And I really need the moolah.

But right now, I've been contemplating bout whether I should join the guys for the job in Sentosa and fly solo for the work at Ikea, it pays more as I heard from my brother.

In other issues. When you don't see your friends in a regular basis like you always do, something changes - maybe I'm just paranoid. But I had previous relationships that turn out this way, the friendship just went cold blue. Dead. I don't want that to be a recurring cliche in my life. After finishing every school, that always happens. Well, we'll see how this flows.

So, I've been reading a new book lately, I haven't read for quite a long time. I just realised how much I missed it. Especially good books. And I've come to realise that most of the movies that are favourited in my list of good movies and from novels writted by Nicholas Sparks. That man is a genius. I remembered this movie, called A Walk To Remember, the first of many that holds a lot of meaning - which his books usually does. The Notebook is another.

And the first book - which I've read from the author - earlier this week is Dear John which is now a motion picture, along with another one of his novel, The Last Song.

And I just realised I've been rambling on about this.

I am a Fan now. (:

Today for the first time, I actually felt the need to blog. Just y'know write. Since, that's what I think I'm good at. I've been feeling .. lost. Like I want it to be that one thing, but somehow it seems impossible because it's not meant for me. I guess I'll never get the words right.

So let's get into more on an upbeat note. So, I quit my job. The one that I have as a draftsperson. It is so boring and mentally tiring, I don't know how people take it, in a daily, 9 to 5 basis. I can't see myself confined in a cubicle and stare at the computer all day long. Seriously, if I hadn't quit, I think it could be really damaging to my sanity. And yes, I am being dramatic. Then, that's where it got me thinking, if I don't wanna be doing this, what am I supposed to do ? I'm already walking down this line. I'm already in it for life. The only escape I have is music, which prolly wouldn't much of a backup plan cause these kind of career is never set in stone. You need lots of a luck and talent. Looking back on my life so far, I am heavily lacking in those areas.

So tell me what should I do then ?